A Bittersweet Ending

looking back to what had happen,makes me wonder what was the real reason why things needed to end in a bitter-sweet way. it was 2:13 am Friday while i was waiting for Jaycee's (a new guy i met and currently having a good time with) text if he already arrived home. i decided to go out a look at the sky then i notice how amazing stars are and it hit me maybe i wasn't like those big stars who shine so brightly, noticeable, beautiful and precious maybe i was just one of those types who tried to shine but never really been able to make it through the thick clouds.

i was glad that he's happy(talking about my x bf) the only thing that pains me is the reality that we had almost been there... almost conquer everything.... several months of fighting and keeping it alive has gone to waste.i am writing this down not get him back but to let people know that i had endured enough pain yet been able to stay strong and to stand up again and make it.

this last month was a hell for me several things happened. i was denied by PRC,my mom has to go back to states while my dad has lost his job and my brothers are leaving soon to have their jobs in manila, i had to go back home and leave my apartment the only escaped i had and lastly the devastating break up i had.

i was hurt honestly i even tried to kill myself but not because i was heart broken... but because I AM TIRED.... Tired of facing the cruelty of life. i am trying to move forward now thanks to my friends. but i will never forget how things changed my life. he taught me how to be strong and to face the world alone.

this time i am fighting not for love but for my survival... lost a big part of me this last few months.i had change a lot. now i am venturing in a new chapter of my life. and as i know it once i step forward there will be no coming back. i'm standing still and waiting for the right moment to take that big step whether backward or forward its all up to me.

right now as i stand and raise my hands above the air and feel the wind and letting my tears flow i had find myself happy and i feel so free. yes it is still painful. yes i still love him but i have to give myself a little pride and accept the fact that no amount of hope can bring him back.

and as go back inside my room and heard my phone ringing and saw Jaycee's name on the screen my tears just rolled and i found myself saying "i know i wasn't the one for him (my x) maybe this time it will be sweeter". and it reminded me of the first time Jaycee looked at me and smiled from that moment my heart never stop beating for him and that made me realize one thing........ I AM SPECIAL :)



P.S

PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME TO MOVE ON CAUSE I AM MOVING ON

PLEASE DON'T TRY TO TELL ME TO BE STRONG CAUSE I AM TRYING TO

PLEASE DON'T ASK ME IF IM OK CAUSE I AM NOT :)