I decided to put myself back inside my box. I guess I'm just not ready to face the world after all. I miss my box. Of course, it will never be the same inside of it, having glimpsed the Hell we call humanity. My box is just big enough to fit me in it a couple times. Chains wrap around my ankles. He tried to tell me to stay. He asked if we could lock ourselves in a box together. Why? So he can leave. The thought of my safe place falling apart terrifies me. Just the thought of watching it crumble and fall between my fingers makes me want to cry out in pain.
So here I go again. Into my box with the one-way glass walls and ceiling. I can watch as humanity slowly unravels itself further. I can laugh because I will know that I had nothing to do with that world. I'll watch as people suffer from hearbreak. And then decide to "love" once again. And it goes on and on. A never - ending cycle that I want to have nothing to do with. I close myself inside this box. Away from any pain. Away from any human contact. I don't need either. The only presence I should feel is God. That's all I want to feel. No more heart break. No more anything. I'm locking myself away. Putting an end to everything I shouldn't be feeling at this age.
I will admit to one thing. I will miss him. He made me smile. He made me cry. Yet I still love him. This is what I am protecting myself from. People like him. Those who cared once upon a time, and then changed their mind. People who throw around a sacred word that I can't stand to tell anyone anymore. He hurt me...so bad. I don't think I will ever fully recover. But I know, if I stay in my box, my Sanctuary, people like him can never hurt me again.
In my box is another smaller, more precious box. It holds my best friend. Silver and sharp. Always there. My best friend would never leave me. He is always in the same place. He helps me when I need relief. He would never hurt me. He is my pocket knife that I love so dearly.
And if I ever think about coming out of my box, well, that's what the chains are for. They hold me to the ground. They keep me inside. Even if I beg to leave. The chains are formed out of the links. The links are formed out of memories. All I will ever have to do is look downa and remember everything...everyone...who ever hurt me. Who ever tried to hurt me. I will remember every Hello; and every Good-Bye that followed.
I'm scared. I'm scarred. I didn't know what to do. All I remembered is dreaming. Dreaming about everyone I know in a room. Me in the center. I was always crying. I was always hurt. It would have helped to have a friend to talk to. But I kept turning in circles, looking at everyone. They all, one - by - one, turned their backs and left. And there I was. In an empty room. As alone in this world as the day I came out of my box. That's why I decide to go back.
Slowly, my heart will heal. But I will never forget what this world had done to me. It tore me down. Day. After. Day. After. Day. I will never forgive it for that. Never. So here I go World. I'm glad you had a good time destroying me...
So here I go again. Into my box with the one-way glass walls and ceiling. I can watch as humanity slowly unravels itself further. I can laugh because I will know that I had nothing to do with that world. I'll watch as people suffer from hearbreak. And then decide to "love" once again. And it goes on and on. A never - ending cycle that I want to have nothing to do with. I close myself inside this box. Away from any pain. Away from any human contact. I don't need either. The only presence I should feel is God. That's all I want to feel. No more heart break. No more anything. I'm locking myself away. Putting an end to everything I shouldn't be feeling at this age.
I will admit to one thing. I will miss him. He made me smile. He made me cry. Yet I still love him. This is what I am protecting myself from. People like him. Those who cared once upon a time, and then changed their mind. People who throw around a sacred word that I can't stand to tell anyone anymore. He hurt me...so bad. I don't think I will ever fully recover. But I know, if I stay in my box, my Sanctuary, people like him can never hurt me again.
In my box is another smaller, more precious box. It holds my best friend. Silver and sharp. Always there. My best friend would never leave me. He is always in the same place. He helps me when I need relief. He would never hurt me. He is my pocket knife that I love so dearly.
And if I ever think about coming out of my box, well, that's what the chains are for. They hold me to the ground. They keep me inside. Even if I beg to leave. The chains are formed out of the links. The links are formed out of memories. All I will ever have to do is look downa and remember everything...everyone...who ever hurt me. Who ever tried to hurt me. I will remember every Hello; and every Good-Bye that followed.
I'm scared. I'm scarred. I didn't know what to do. All I remembered is dreaming. Dreaming about everyone I know in a room. Me in the center. I was always crying. I was always hurt. It would have helped to have a friend to talk to. But I kept turning in circles, looking at everyone. They all, one - by - one, turned their backs and left. And there I was. In an empty room. As alone in this world as the day I came out of my box. That's why I decide to go back.
Slowly, my heart will heal. But I will never forget what this world had done to me. It tore me down. Day. After. Day. After. Day. I will never forgive it for that. Never. So here I go World. I'm glad you had a good time destroying me...
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