My Battle Cry

It’s exactly 2:28 am i was in the middle of my sleep when dreamt about him. Lately  i have been dreaming about him persistently  things that i am afraid to happen. It’s been almost two months when we last talked, when i last saw him and the last time i texted him. But due some unexpected turn events our paths have crossed again and slowly we went back to our normal routine. Actually im glad and psyched to reunite with him again but i have this fear i have this constant doubt that he might start ignoring me again or might end up treating me like stranger like what happen before.

I don’t really know why i am trying to write something right now but i guess i just need to express things that i am afraid of telling him and i through this i could. I love him so much and nothing is gonna change and nothing will change the fact that what ever happens he will always have that special place in my heart. Sa totoo lang di ko alam kung paano ako magsisimula. Di ko alam kung papaano ko ipaparamdam ulit sa kanaya kung gaano siya ka importante sakin.

Sometimes i sit for hours just staring at him trying to think of what to say coz i’m lost for words. I’m still stuck on that very moment when thing went out of hand and i’m afraid very much frightened that one day if i won’t start detaching myself i might end up having a hard time coping up. Ang hirap pala yung araw araw hinihiling mo na kahit maapreciate ka niya. Yung araw araw bago ka umalis ng bahay may takot ka na baka pag di nagging maganda ang takbo ng mga pangyayari eh magkaroon ng di inaasahang di pagkakaunawaan.

Sa totoo lang andito ako sa stage na pilit kong nilalabanan yung takot, yung kahit papaano pinipilit kong wag umiyak o maiyak, nakakatawa kasi minsan boses palang niya marinig ko gusto ko nang umiyak, minsan habang nakatalikod siya i stand a far from him and staring at him trying put myself in a scenario where in he walks away from me minsan sinasanay ko sarili ko para pag andun na ako sa point nay un din a ganun kasakit tulad ng unang pangyayari. Nakakatawa kasi minsan pagnaalala ko kung pano kame dati nung mga unang buwan noon kinikilig ako minsan niiyak pa ko sa sobrang tuwa.

I miss you! I MISS THE OLD YOU yung taong minahal ko noon kung taong handa ko talikuran lahat at tangapin ang sakit para sa kanya. I miss you, the way call my name, the way look at me or the excitement of seeing me, yung times that you would hold my hands with no apparent reasons, yung kahit anung inis mo sakin kakausapin mo ko kasi alam mong iiyak ako and I miss the way you make me feel that i’m loved that i’m appreciated that every moment that share is something to be thankful for.

Minsan gusto kung huminto para tingnan kung lilingon ka at babalikan ako, o kung magtataka ka at tatanungin ako kaso natatakot ako baka mali ako paano kung magtuloy tuloy ka paano kung makalimutan mo o mawala sa isip mo. I’m trying to familiarize myself to every detail of your being, you personality and every thing that is about you para kung sakaling panahaon para umupo na lang ako at hayaan maglakad papalayo sakin maalala padin kita ata para kung sakalaing maisipan mong bumalik sa kung saan mo ko iniwan malayo palang makikilala na kita. O kahit maisipan mo man lang mapadaan sa lugar na kung saan minabuti kong umupo malalaman ko padin ikaw yun.

Nasa processo ako ng pagtangap na may mga bagay na di ko kayang labanan, may mga bagay na ang hirap ipagsawalang bahala, at may mga bagay na hinding hindi ko kalian man matatakasan. To sum this all up i want to be able to conquer the fears that i have and be able love him like before be able to contented to what is there coz right now nothing really matters to me but you. Its hard breathing underwater and sooner or later if i don’t start swimming i might drown and might not be able to continue making you feel how much you mean to me and how much i am willing sacrifice for the sake of your happiness. Things happen for a reason and i know i will be able tos lowly understand why it happened. I may not be able to stop the tears from falling down but i’m trying my best to be brave at all times. I may not be the person for you but always be here to watch your back. I may not be able to be that understanding but i will try my best learn how, i may be moody at certain times but i’m sure that i would never turn back on you.

Much has said, much has been done i guess the only option i have right night is to close my eyes and hope for a better tomorrow. Hope that one day i will be able to look at you seeing smile at me telling that i am making you happy........
Inday will always always be inlove with you and nothing could ever replace you... inday loves bossing so much.....