Blessing in Disguise

It has been a long time since I wrote something about me and my life, in the past few months i have been undergoing a process where in I know had send me astray for a while. In life not everything we wanted is given, not everything we wished for is answered. For the past 7 months I’ve been crying for a certain reason; a person whom I gave my all, a person whom I thought would never turn his back on me. I’m basically not gonna whine about it but on the other hand use this experience to show people that life doesn’t stop where your heartbreaks begun.

I’ve been stupid! Yes stupid to cry over and over again about the same thing. Stupidly wait and wish that he would be able to appreciate all my efforts. Stupidly think that he would be able to at least be thankful and happy with me in his life. I spend my days thinking hoping and wishing that one day he would smile back on me and at least say thank you.

Yes i’m bitter yet i’m getting better, my mom always says when some things end some things will surely open. Opportunities will be pouring down like crazy. I’ll be a hypocrite kung sasabihin kong okay lang ako o hindi ako nasasaktan pag nakikita ko siya. Oo masakit oo naiinis ako pero pag naiisip ko na may isang taong dumating sa buhay ko para sabihin sakin at iparamdam sakin na hindi ko deserve ang mga ng yayari nagiging thankful ako, kasi kung hindi siguro ngyari ito hindi ko makikilala yung taong nagpapapasaya sakin ngayon, marahil hangang ngayon eh kabilang padin ako sa kapisanan ng mga tanga, lupon ng umaasa sa wala at higit sa isa padin akong mulala, mulala sa katotohanan na isa lang laru ang lahat.

Masaya ako ngayon kasi may isang taong nagligtas sakin, may isang taong pumulot sakin, may isang taong kahit pa matigas ang ulo ko, makulit at moody ay hindi nagsasawang ipadama sakin na mahalaga din ako sa kanya. Nagpapasalamat ako sa taong nagpaiyak sakin nanakit sakin alam ko namang di niya sinasadja ang lahat pero salamat padin kasi kung hindi dahil sa lahat ng pain na naranasan ko hindi ko malalaman kung gaano ako katatag at gaano ako kalakas. Oo iyakin ako, oo isip bata ako pero ipinangako ko sa sarili ko na hinding hindi ako magpapatalo sa kahit anumang ipukol sa akin ng mundo.

Natutu ako, nagising sa katotohanan na kahit anung gawin mo kung hindi talaga para sayo eh hindi talaga pwede. Life is like mathematical equation in order to answer the problem you have to consider the given and take note of the constants you may use different formulas or derived new ones from the old ones but the answer will always be the same. I’ve walked a mile and i just ended up in this dead end and there is nothing left for me to do but turn around, turn my back from that familiar face and accept that no matter what i do the road towards him is now blocked And i wouldn’t waste more efforts climbing that brick wall just to continue pursuing something dense something upsetting. I had enough of this game. Besides on my way that wall i come across something more special something much more worthy of my time and effort. Someone who knows how to appreciate. Someone who guided me and  showed me a new path towards happiness.

As i put on my shoes, as i comb my hair and as i take my step outside my door i put on a big smile and thank GOD for this wonderful event in my life, for this amazing blessing and for this awakening and realization that i don’t have to settle for less than what i deserve coz i’m worthy of something real and everything is worth being thankful for.

I would like to take this opportunity to say than you sa aking mga totoong kaibigan nakatulong sakin at sumuporta sa aking mga pagiyak at pagka wala sa tamang direksyon kay aaron rondilla, sir rejun sacdalan, ma’am hualda at ma’am mateo na masugid kong tagapayo at tagapakinig kahit pa halos ikamatay ko ang pagiyak at halos ikawala ko sa ulirat ang bawat pagtatagpo namin eh talaga naman di nagsawa sa aking paulit ulit na pag iyak, kay kuya Tristan (bulas) na araw araw akong tinetext para sabihin saking ipagdadasal niya ako, sa aking Bestfriends si Mark Lorenz (bestybubbles) na walang sawang nagpapatawa sakin at naniniwalang magiging Masaya din ako si Christine Agpoon (boo) na kahit nasa spain eh hindi nagsawa sa kakangawa ko kahit di naman nya alam kung bakit, kay Ramon Nicolas (dobby) na superhero ko! Always on the rescue lalo na when im about to breakdown and fall apart andun siya palage, kay ate Maggie na panay sinasabi sakin na araw araw eh gumaganda ako ahaha, kay Jonathan (kalbo) alam mo na kung bakit linchak ka baka maiyak pa ko pag sinabi ko kung bakit basta alam mo naman kung bakit sobrang thankful ko sayo lalo na nung acquaintance kung wala ka baka naupo nalang ako sa bahay at umiyak!Kay diko MAxie na gumising sa akin sa katotohanan na hindi ko kailangan kailanman magpakabobo at ibaba ang sarili para lang maging maligaya at Masaya! Sa csc family ko kila efren, con, danilo, Rudolf at clarice! Sa teatro family ko na always there! Sa mga bago kong kaklase sa ctp na walang humpay ang pagmamahal sakin di ko na iisaisahin at baka magmukang awards night ang blog ko At higit sa lahat sa Bhebe ko sa pagdating niya sa buhay, sa pagtatama niya ng mga mali sa buhay ko at higit sa lahat sa pagmamahal niya sakin although lage akong napapagalitan kasi matigas ulo ko ahahaha atleast anjan padin siya at di nagsasawang unawain ang mood swings ko! Salamat bheb sa lahat lahat mahal na mahal kita, and i’m thankful that in this process that im was going through you were with me all along....

Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day. Love is like a muscle. You do not use it, you lose it. Start loving.  And it will grow. It will become stronger.  Love should not explained. It should be experienced. Practiced

To sum this all up love is basically learning to love yourself, knowing that you are strong enough to survive anything life throws at you, and then finding someone who you don’t mind being vulnerable with, because you trust him/her enough, and you are comfortable enough to shed all ego barriers. You may not find love that easy but never lose hope for as long as there is still tomorrow; there will always be a chance for you to find happiness